By Mary Agidi

“While some ladies are climbing mountains, praying for husbands, some of us who are married are constantly shedding secret tears due to bitter experiences resulting from constant violent abuse and emotional trauma inflicted upon us by our so-called husbands.


“Oftentimes, I unconsciously wish my husband were dead because the suffering is just too much. “Currently, the constant beatings and verbal abuse have put me in a non compos mentis state. I was recently rushed to the hospital in February when he smashed a solid object on my head, leaving me hospitalized for two weeks. He doesn’t want me to be financially independent—he complains whenever I try to set up a business, and he refuses to let his money pass through me. Even when I need to fuel his car to take the children to school, he insists I send the fuel attendant’s account number so he can pay directly.

“I had already made up my mind to file for a divorce after this last assault, but his family begged me to reconsider. Nevertheless, one day, he will come home only to discover that I have moved out of the apartment with the children. There won’t even be a misunderstanding before I do it.”

This is Mrs. Olubunmi Oderinde (not her real name) sharing her ordeal with The Hope after the recent domestic violence incident in which her husband of six years battered her in the middle of the night, prompting neighbors to intervene.

Rising Divorce and Domestic Violence Cases

The rate at which Nigerians flock to courts and gender-based violence offices over family disputes is alarming. Nowadays, the weekly number of divorce cases in our society appears to exceed the number of marriage registrations.

Meanwhile, findings indicate that divorce cases cut across all ages, religions, and socio-economic classes, from elites to the uneducated. Marital failure appears to spare no category of people.

A visit to the family court registry at the Ondo State High Court was a staggering experience. Elderly couples married for decades, pastors, imams, and young couples were all there, dragging each other before the court for separation or divorce.

One couple, whose last child is 25 years old, was engaged in a heated exchange, publicly insulting each other outside the court premises. The husband, a retired school headmaster, verbally assaulted his wife—a pastor—immediately after their court appearance. This is a stark reminder that the once-sweet wine of love can turn sour at any time, regardless of years of togetherness.

In Ondo State, an investigation by The Hope revealed that over 200 divorce cases were filed in 2024 at the family court section of the State High Court. According to the head of this section, Mrs. Akindele Abiloye, the first quarter of 2025, which is yet to conclude, has already recorded over 80 cases. These involve legally married couples.


For cases at the customary court level—where couples only had traditional marriages or cohabited without formal registration—88 cases were recorded in 2024.

Also, the Ondo State Agency Against Gender-based Violence, OSAA-GBV which was established in year 2022  recorded 118 cases of domestic violence that same year, some of which resulted in divorce or separation.

According to the officer in charge of the data, there was an aggressive campaign in the year 2022 and the agency was adequately funded to take care of victims of violence,  which encouraged many of them to seek help from the agency.

The agency’s data officer disclosed that the number of reported cases dropped to 91 in 2023 due to reduced awareness campaigns and economic challenges that led to a lack of funding. However, there was a surge in 2024, with 212 reported cases. This increase was attributed to economic hardship, which fueled frustration and aggression among couples.


Government’s Response to Domestic Violence

Reacting to this trend, the Executive Secretary of OSAA-GBV, Barr. Mrs. Bola Afolabi, decried the rising cases of domestic and gender-based violence in the state, citing them as the primary causes of separation and divorce.

Afolabi lamented the growing pressure on the agency, which is costing the government significant resources to address these cases.

She said: “Gender based violence, especially spousal battery, is on the increase. And the ones that are reported here, we try to properly resolve the conflict between the spouse,  if it is resolvable. There are ones that we feel that they have to separate if the beating is becoming too regular,  so as not to have casualty in our hands, we try to counsel them to separate.
“At times when we have a very critical situation, where the husband badly injured the wife,  we ensure that such husbands are arrested and kept at the police station custody, maybe for two days, 48 hours. And thereafter, if we were to prosecute in court, we prosecute. 
“But you see the issue is that, when we even try to take steps to prosecute some of these men, we find out that the wife will come back later, “please leave him, I just want you to help me punish him, let him stay in that cell”,  but for us to go to court, they don’t really want it.

“But there’s another thing that the men usually do. When their cases are reported here, especially on spousal battery, they quickly go to court and file divorce against the wife.  And most often, we represent such women in court, because most of them too, they are not empowered, they depend on the man”.

When The Hope visited the agency, there were young ladies hanging around the office seeking audience of the officers in charge of their cases. Some had bruised faces and appeared despondent, sitting in different corners of the office. Some claimed to be on same dress for days as they’re awaiting court order or legal officials to escort them to move their stuffs out of their violent spouse’s apartment.

A beautiful lady in her 30s who claimed to be squatting with her aunt pending the intervention of the agency was said to had been physically assaulted by her husband and the mother-in-law who jointly ousted her out of their apartment at the middle of the night. Though not legally married, she was impregnated by the guy.

 

The Way Forward

Men have been identified as the primary perpetrators of gender-based and domestic violence, based on recorded cases. There is, therefore, an urgent need to educate boys as they grow into adulthood, teaching them tolerance and to value women as partners rather than competitors.

The Executive Secretary of OSAA-GBV emphasized the importance of training boys on how to relate with girls to build a society free from gender-based violence. She praised the recently launched Boy Child Initiative by the Ondo State Government through the Ministry of Women Affairs, stating that just as girls receive mentorship, boys should not be left behind.


“Our men need to be sensitized on how to live harmoniously with their wives.  You know, talking about attitudinal change,  we need to speak, in fact, we should start with the boys. And that is why the state government has flagged off sensitization on boy child, to sensitize these boys on how to manage anger- how to be mentally stable –  how to relate well with their peers and other outsiders -how to be involved and to imbibe good behaviors. If we are able to train our boys on how to behave well to girls,  then you will not see this gender-based violence, whether rape or whatever,  or spousal battery prevailing again.  

” It is time to handle the boys now. So that when we handle them, right from their primary school, we will see a change in the future”.  

The OSAA-GBV head, who recently led a sensitization mission to religious centers, highlighted the role of religious leaders in educating their congregations about harmonious family life.  She stressed that only peaceful homes can build peaceful churches and mosques.

“They should be able to educate their members on the need to live together harmoniously. They should preach to the husbands to stop beating their wives, they should stop harassing them, the vulgar abuse, psychological abuse, they should stop it. Probably, they should even have a special day designated for preaching something like this to their congregation, so that they will understand it. The healthy family is also a healthy church. Because if the home is healthy,  they are living peacefully, it will translate to the well-being of the church”.
She criticized religious doctrines that discourage divorce even in cases of severe domestic violence, arguing that “God would not be pleased with a man who beats his wife.”
 

The Need for Tolerance in Marriages

One of the primary causes of marital failure is the inability of couples to tolerate each other and accept differences, says 58-year-old senior public servant Mr. Adekunle Oluyole.

According to him, many couples fail to realize that they come from different backgrounds and that individuals develop new habits over time. Adjustments and acceptance are therefore necessary for a successful marriage.

He also acknowledged that infidelity plays a major role in divorce cases and advised women to accept the reality that “men are naturally polygamous.”

This article was first published in The Hope edition of 12th April, 2024.